Being Healthy When You're Down

Going through infertility has to be one of the hardest things I have ever been through in my life and my fitness suffered because of it. I can use many excuses but the truth is, I neglected myself. Food was the only thing I could control so I ate to make myself feel better because "I deserved it". I have always been naturally thin and never had to worry about my weight or exercising. But I gained weight and lost it twice, only to gain it again.

What I didn't realize was that my outward appearance was just a reflection of what was happening internally. I was gaining baggage, low self-esteem, self-loathing and feelings of unworthiness. The extra weight was my protection from all the hurt and pain I was feeling. I would try some new diet and "start over" all the time. But the more I was down on myself the more I went around and around the merry go round until I focused so much on what I didn't want that I created just that. Then I had this notion in my head that I had to be a certain size to be pregnant and so every time we were getting ready to move forward with starting our family I beat myself up because I did not lose the weight I wanted to.

“But I gained weight and lost it twice only to gain it again.”

Watching videos, social media and seeing magazine covers of fit women only added to my misery and created a lot of negative commentary in my head. It was not until recently that I decided enough was enough. Either I could continue to complain and feel sorry for myself or I could take back control and do something about it. Yes, I loved myself but my actions and words were not matching up.

I realized that in order to get off the roller coaster I had to:

1. Start changing what I said about myself. It all begins and ends with your mindset. There is a bible verse in Proverbs that says "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". You create what you focus on. Don't believe me? Look around at your life, are you happy? Now think back to the recorder that has been playing in your mind. Is it your reality? You create the very thing you don't want because you're focused on the lack of it.

2. Make a commitment to myself. I put myself first and started practicing self-care. I used to think that making statements like this was selfish of me. Until, I found out that you can't give out what you don't have. How can you make sure everyone else is okay if you're not okay? And self-care doesn't just mean getting a massage or mani and pedi it means taking care of the entire person from the inside out.

3. I do things even when I don't feel like it. When my alarm clock goes off at 4:25am for me to go to the gym, I get up. I don't snooze it. I am thankful for another day and I act accordingly. I no longer make excuses (I did that long enough).

4. I keep track of what goes in my body. Part of that, is planning and preparation. I use a food app to keep track of everything and meal prep and if I'm going out to eat I look at the menu ahead of time so that I have a game plan.

5. I talk to myself. Positive Affirmations have really helped change the negative things I was saying about myself. When I'm not feeling my best I still speak what I want to see. Words have power.

These tips can be utilized in any area of your life. If you find yourself in a place were you are unhappy, CHANGE IT, it's that simple. You are the only one that can make a different choice. And the amazing thing about seeing another day is that each day we can choose our hard, choose our happy and choose our lives. Charles R. Swindall said it best, "life is 10% what happens to me and 90 % is how I react to it".

Even if I forget to do all of the things listed above and revert back to old thought patterns I give myself a break, dust myself off and move on. There is no perfect life, weight, person or time we are all traveling through this life on different roads but we get to choose who we want to be.