Blessed Is She Who Has Believed That The Lord Would Fulfill His Promises To Her!" Luke 1:45

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!" Luke 1:45. This bible verse is the inspiration for my blog name. After going through hell and back on this journey, She Thought So She Did came to me. We had a miscarriage in 2017. After years of pain, disappointment and fertility treatments it was finally happening. I got the phone call I had been dreaming of "Congratulations! You’re pregnant,” I cried, prayed and then cried some more. After all, of this time, nothing else mattered. Every trial, every mountain, every no disappeared. I could not believe it, it was my turn.

About a week later, we had not told anyone yet, we went to the store and were excited to look at diapers and baby stuff and I started bleeding. My husband immediately wanted to go to the ER, when we got their the doctor said that it was a threatened miscarriage but everything was ok and to follow up with my doctor in a couple days. We went home and breathed a sigh of relief. We went to my doctor's office a few days later and the ultrasound tech kept looking for something and taking longer then normal. She mumbled that the doctor will be in to talk to us. When we came out of the room and into another to wait for the doctor, everyone had a look of gloom on their faces and my doctor's nurse said, "Give me a hug" but it still did not register. The doctor came in (who was not my doctor) and explained to us that we miscarried. I don’t even remember everything she said because my mind just went blank and then the tears came. I looked at my husband and could not stop crying. That was the longest ride home. For years in some weird way, I had convinced myself that I needed to be cautiously optimistic. Like I did not want to get my hopes up, and I was so nonchalant about it that no one knew how badly I wanted to be a mom or how deeply hurt I really was. I was hiding, which left me weak and defeated.

A few months passed and I finally felt ready to move on so we decided to do IVF again. This time my Reproductive Endocrinologist wanted to do Preimplantation Genetic Screening. We were happy to get eight eggs this time and four fertilized. We had four embryos but after the PGS test, we were left with one. We were disappointed but grateful.

“My husband immediately wanted to go to the ER. When we got there they said it looks like a threatened miscarriage but everything is ok and to follow up with our doctor in a couple days".

In November of that year, we decided to transfer the one embryo but during the transfer procedure, my RE could not see my endometrial cavity and decided to cancel the procedure. But truthfully something didn't feel right that day, my energy was totally off. Still, that didn't stop me from being devastated and feeling like yet another blow. My RE thought that I might need surgery again and sent me to a Radiologist who specialized in fibroid surgery, The Radiologist told me that I looked fine, yes the fibroids were there but they were small and would not interfere with a pregnancy. In addition, not only could he see my endometrial cavity but he could do a procedure that could unblock my Fallopian tubes! What? After all, of this, there was a silver lining. He wanted us to try for 6 months on our own and during this time my purpose began to unfold, it was as if God was nudging me to share my story and I finally began to understand that what I believed was and is stronger than my fear. We transferred our last embryo in April of this year and it did not implant. I was angry again, but this time I did not stay there. I made a different choice.

I am currently not pregnant yet but we are in the process of conceiving again. I don't exactly know what that will look like (especially since I was recently told after our last embryo did not implant that we should look at surrogacy) but however and whatever that looks like I choose to believe that my story is not over and that our baby is on its way to us. I have finally come to the point of surrender understanding that it doesn't mean giving up, it means giving in for something better. I choose to act "As If" I already have what I desire now while I wait on the manifestation to catch up to with what I believe.

I wrote this blog to encourage you that no matter what it looks like or how long you've been waiting on whatever situation in life, keep BELIEVING. Be bold enough to act as if it is already here. Be relentless enough to bet on yourself and trust the process. Trust God's divine timing. I'm a firm believer that everything happens exactly when it is supposed to.